Andrew Bullock: Made in chelsea: episode 6

Andrew Bullock on the highs and lows of Chelsea’s social elite

Rosie pays Wheeze a visit to console her over the drama with Alik. They do the only thing they can really do in this scenario – blame Binky. Meanwhile, Alik is opening up to Andy and Stevie about the whole thing. These three then do the only thing they can really do in this scenario – blame Binky.

Sam is having lunch with Tiff, who I firstly think is Lucy. They are looking a bit similar these days. Too similar. Toff and Jamie enter and Toff makes a few cheeky comments about these two. Tiff is hard-faced. She does not like Toff’s commentary. She is stern. The nation doesn’t like her.

Victoria and Mark Francis seem to be reading a giant spell book.

If Mark Francis were a book, he’d be the Bible. Victoria would be a lightweight pamphlet.

Andy and Lucy talk about Steph and Josh, and how their dating will upset Stevie seeing as he is really good friends with Josh. Even though he only met him last week.

Tiff gets all pissy at Toff because Toff talks to Sam about Tiff and Tiff is apparently a private person. WHY ARE YOU ON MiC THEN, TIFFFFFFFFFF?? Stop hating on Toff, yeah?

Alik confronts Binky as to why she didn’t immediately spread the gossip that Wheeze might have kissed a guy and then watched Disney films with him the next day. In retort, Binky plants the seed that Wheeze might have consciously kissed said guy the next day, rather than during her blackout the evening before, whilst they were watching Disney films.

Drama in the shoe shop: Stevie calls Steph disrespectful for fancying Josh. She then does what she does best and drops the A Bomb (a**hole). She then does a double-whammy and throws in a P Bomb (pr***). Stevie then cries. He cries in a shoe shop.

Sam throws Toff under the bus

The dinner party that follows is full of disdain. Lots of sour-faced looks. Proudlock is wearing an army print blazer which just does not work. Jamie, who has nothing to lose these days, decides to reference Steph and Josh’s relationship and then tells them off for publicly flirting. Lucy then goes all Betty Boothroyd and chairs an over-the-table discussion about how Josh is clearly selfish.

Oh NO! Everyone is nasty to Toff. She doesn’t rise to it, naturally. Lucy does some sort of weird impression of Toff and decides to announce that she has no right to talk about Tiff, because she is younger than her. Tiff sits there, basking in the glory of herself, only to have the smirk wiped off her face when it is announced that Sam has been talking about the time they slept in the same bed but didn’t touch each other. Then Sam throws Toff under the bus. He and Tiff belong together.

An elephant then traipses through the room in the form of Alik and Wheeze. Binky and Alik have a row across the table. He then cries.

So does Wheeze. They leave the room. Rosie’s eyes look like they’re about to pop out. Outside, Wheeze and Alik clear the air. “I’m the one that should fear losing you,” she says. How very Austen.

Next week’s predictions: Steph and Josh will properly start to date, but I have foresight as my friend saw them in Westfield (Stratford) yesterday holding hands.

Andrew’s blog can be read at drewjbullock.wordpress.com

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