BareCheek

Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

WHAT WAS THAT? MAGICIAN SPECIAL

Over the last few weeks I’ve been getting an increasing number of queries regarding famous magicians, wizards, sorcerers, diabolists and the like, and thought it would be best to answer them in one column. Apologies to those who have been left waiting but I hope it proves worth it.

Dear Mike,
There’s a magician me and my brother loved as children, and I’d love to try and track down a DVD for my bro’s birthday, but I can’t remember this bloke’s name. He was a short chap with a Yorkshire accent and a wig who was always smartly-dressed, and had a great line in amusing patter. He would perform enjoyable tricks in a primetime BBC show accompanied by a typically “glamorous assistant” who, come to think of it, may have been his wife. This would have been about twenty years ago. Someone said David Nixon, but it wasn’t him. Any ideas?
Pete Daniels, Hove

Well Pete I think I think you’re going to like my answer – not a lot, but you’ll like it! Yes, the much-loved illusionist of whom you speak (who still pops up on out TV screens from time to time, often accompanied by his glamorous assistant, who is indeed his “better half”) is, of course, the great beast himself Aleister Crowley.
Cheers! Mike

Dear Mike,
The wizard I am thinking of is a historical figure who was the advisor of the possibly mythical King Arthur – he was supposedly born of mortal woman, sired by an incubus, and was a very powerful seer and enchanter. He died after being trapped inside a tree for all eternity by the sorceress Nimue and is supposed to return to defend England in its hour of greatest need. Please help.
Marlon Mervyn Sterling, Portslade

Dear Marlon,
Sleep in the belly of the dragon! The mystical figure of whom you speak has been the subject of innumerable book, films and TV shows. He is, of course, Ali Bongo.

Dear Mike,
This was a clue in a pub quiz last week. I had to leave before the end, and it’s been driving me mad. Google’s no help. I’m talking about a fat comical magician who spoke in a cod-Spanish accent and was married to Victoria Wood.
Geoffrey Soprendo, Mile Oak

Dear Geoffrey,
Piff paff poof! The rubicund fellow of whom you speak is none other than famed street magician and endurance artist David Blaine.

Thanks all, and please keep those letters flooding in.
All the best,
Mike XXX