Andrew Kay: What a performance

Andrew Kay is upstaged by an angry old man

I have no idea when it happened but it did. I was never any good at standing up in front of people and speaking as a kid. I did the usual school plays, nativities and the like, my wise man brought frankincense but little applause despite my rather splendid gold crown that dad bejewelled with fruit-gums!
As a teenager I played bass guitar, the pop choice of the reticent through the ages, and I was happy to stay in the background, often choosing to play seated, hardly a rock stance.
I gained a little more confidence at art school and my time in Paris studying clowning certainly helped. I guess that the silent nature of that experience helped, I still have trouble learning lines so mime should be my live art form of choice. In my late 40s I received a call from my friend Roger Marlowe. Roger was the founder of the Brighton and Hove Food & Drink Festival and he was enquiring to see if I might like to join in by hosting the Live Food Stage. I said yes.

That was about ten years ago and since that first year I have grown to love the whole process. Once shy, yes I know it seems unlikely, I can now take to the stage and have fun, playing with both chefs and the audience and hopefully making the shows an informative and entertaining experience. In a recent document a colleague described my presentation style as quirky. I amended it to include the terms expert and experienced, well it pays to advertise!
Most recently I have been presenting in London’s Fitzrovia and then in Kingston upon Thames. It was my third year at the Kingston Food Festival and I really enjoy performing there. The show gets great audiences and great responses and the day is filled with talented chefs and delicious food, which the audience gets to taste. What could be more fun?
There are regulars there too, people who come along year on year and stay all day long. Whether they are real food lovers or simply hungry doesn’t matter to me, as long as they are enjoying themselves I am happy that they are there.

This year all was going swimmingly well, a packed marquee, great numbers and a real buzz of excitement as the food was prepared and shared. Then towards the end of the second day it all went a bit crazy. Steve, the executive chef for the Wagamama chain was doing sterling work on stage when an elderly gentleman stormed in and started to shout at me. Apparently we had no right to be there in the market square and he demanded that I stopped immediately and take down the marquee. Well with a full kitchen and an audience in excess of 100 that was not really possible. He continued by explaining that he was unable to sit down on his favourite bench. I offered him a seat in the marquee and the promise of some delicious food but he was having none of it. “You have no right to be here” he cried. So I took down the licenses that we needed to be there and showed them to him. At this point he started to shout again so I asked the audience to vote on whether we should stop and take down the marquee. They were as one, supportive and of course hungry I guess. His shouting got worse and he started to swear. At this point I’d had enough. I was not having him use bad language in front of the children present and I took him by the arm and escorted the ranting man out, drawing the vinyl curtain behind him in as forceful a way as is possible. He finally gave up and we continued.

I was exhausted by the whole experience and it was all I could do to compose myself and cook the testicles that were to be eaten in the following extreme food event!
If you would like to see me on the Live Food Stage at the next Brighton and Hove Food and Drink event then join me on Hove lawns this coming August Bank Holiday weekend on the Saturday and again on Monday.