Yak Yak Yak: Man flu

I’ve not got it, far from it and yes I do know the difference. Once you have had influenza proper you know that everything else is just a cold. And boy have I had a cold, a wheezing sneezing snotty monster of a cold that has been with me now for a few weeks and is showing no signs of abating.

The funny, or not so funny, thing about this cold is that rather than feeling unwell I simply feel inconvenienced. The sneezing and wheezing is a bore, it doesn’t hurt and I have not had a bad head really, or a fever. But going out feeling like this is not pleasant for me or for my friends. Coughing fits are a nightmare at the theatre and in restaurants so that has made my usual social life somewhat depleted. I have been out but I’m not on top form and if I am honest I am enjoying staying home. It’s certainly preferable being accused of having “man flu” by female friends and I am sorry to say that those accusations are nearly always made by women. I take it in good heart most of the time, I’m sure you don’t really mean to dismiss all men who complain of feeling a little under the weather of being malingerers. Surely not!

Leave me alone – or I’ll give it to you

Of course women are not solely to blame, there are men out there who only need to handle a packet of tissues to declare that they have flu. Come on boys, you’re letting the side down.

But how do we know? Doctor’s surgeries are happy to suggest that a cold can be cured at home and does not require the attentions of your GP, but at what point do I seek medical attention? I’m not keen on taking antibiotics but after two weeks do I need them?

So far I have been medicating with vitamin C, fruit juice, paracetamol and Appleton’s rum, the rum helps me sleep through the coughing fits, well that’s my excuse.

I do not have flu and I do not have man flu, I have a cold that’s all so leave me alone – or I’ll give it to you!