Nangle Natters: Bully for you

Statistically, pretty much everyone has been or knows someone who has been effected by bullying in their life. I say ‘statistically’ – really, I don’t know the stats but the way it seems to me is that anyone who ever went to school would’ve witnessed bullying and that’s most of the people in this country.

It also happens in the work place – and the tricky thing with both school and work is that it’s a hierarchical environment and no one wants to think that they can’t cope on their own. Which can lead to situations spiralling as the bullied struggles to manage, and asking for help from management or teachers is frequently seen as the last, rather than the first, resort.

One of the worst culprits of stealth bullying is the dreaded ‘banter’, or ‘bants’. It’s a horrible word that declares from the start that if you can’t take the heat, then you simply have no sense of humour. Evil. You can have a source of fun without being a source of fun.

I’ve had experience from both sides of the bullying coin – although it wasn’t my plan. I was picked on at school (fine with the height-related name-calling, not so good on being chased around school being threatened with a deodorant aerosol) – and I picked on at school. Although I didn’t realise it until I was called out on my behaviour.

You can have a source of fun without being a source of fun

There used to be a group of about half a dozen kids that would hang out at the computer lab during break time. Some were older than me, a couple were younger. The younger ones were a couple of bright computer whizz boys, and I was usually the only girl. I thought I got on well with all of them, until one day one of the younger kids told me that I was bullying him. I was aghast. I felt terrible, and immediately apologised and promised to keep my distance. I checked with his pal – with whom I spoke in exactly the same way – if I was bullying him too, but he said he was perfectly happy with how we were and he couldn’t see the problem.

But there was a problem. And things were better after I kept my distance from the first boy. I checked – it wasn’t just my impression – they were better.

That was how I stopped being bullied at school – I asked them to stop. They didn’t realise they were doing it either. I’m not saying that everyone’s lovely deep down. Some people are simply vicious. Just believe someone if they tell you you’re a bully, even if you never meant to be.