Louis Michael: Why don’t we use the word ‘lover’?

In a time where the sexual revolution and a surge in social awareness has allowed humans to break free from the restrictive binaries of heterosexual and straight, and male and female, why do we still cling to the language of the past? Surely we should update our terminology to remain consistent with this modernisation in our mentality? 

Firstly, lets talk about ‘girlfriend’ and ‘boyfriend’. Who thought of those terms? We stop calling ourselves girls and boys as soon as we become adults. And then there’s the friend part. Isn’t the term meant to communicate that someone is specifically more than a friend?

Then we have ‘partner’, our attempt to modernise our language by creating a more inclusive and nondescript term. But whose idea was it to choose something so emotionless and formal? When you say the word partner you immediately think of business, or agreements, or deals made with a firm handshake. Partner encapsulates none of the love and support and joy of a relationship.

Isn’t ‘partner’ another form of entrenched inequality?

The important issue of inclusivity is one that drives this argument. Gay people either out themselves (potentially against their will) or use the term partner, so partner is slowly becoming a segregation of language. Heterosexual people have girlfriends and boyfriends and gay people have partners. Isn’t that just another subtle form of entrenched inequality and homophobia?

So we return to my original question: why don’t we use the word ‘lover’? I will tell you why. Embarrassment. The one thing that girlfriend/boyfriend and partner have in common is that they are euphemisms, ways to side step the uncomfortable issue of discussing your private relationship affairs. But in the 21st century isn’t it wildly outdated to pretend that no one has sex? We all know what we’re doing together, so why not declare it proudly? Worse than that, are we really so emotionally immature that we can’t admit that we love someone?

The word lover presents an opportunity to create solidarity across every sexuality by declaring that regardless of who loves you they’re still always your lover. More than that it gives us a chance to tell the truth, to proudly, unashamedly declare that you love someone and they love you and that is nothing but beauty in that. We need to break the word lover’s connotation with sex and replace it with what it really means: love, loving, and being in love.