Don’t smile – it’s Karen’s Diner

Greeted with a surly “Have you f*****’ booked?” by an unsmiling greeter and kept waiting for a table, the introduction to Karen’s Diner set the tone for a consistently hard-faced and unfriendly evening out.

It’s weird, it’s stressful. Insults range from “What do you f***** want?” to encouraging everyone to shout out “Turn up on time a*********” to latecomers. Emboldened by all the swearing, you end up being rude-cheeky back. All I could manage was, “I want my food now (please), and make it snappy!” after waiting a while.

After a while you long for it to be a normal diner with normal expectations. When drinks don’t arrive, you’re told “It’s like MacDonalds without the numbers”. Half-way through the meal, I’ve turned into a so-called Karen and want to speak to a manager. This place needs to be closed down, it’s not funny. It’s annoying. But you get through this stage, when you realise the managers care even less.

I’ve turned into a so-called Karen and want to speak to a manager. This place needs to be closed down, it’s not funny. It’s annoying. But you get through this stage, when you realise the managers care even less.

The diner was packed, all the staff walked slowly, like teenagers being dragged out on a day out with their parents, their faces said it all – we don’t want to be here, we don’t want you to be here, why should we take your orders, we don’t care!! And yet, behind the swearing, the middle finger gestures, the shrugs, the walking off when you’re asking something, you can sense this is a team that wants to ensure everyone gets a good meal, roughly on time, and that no one is dishonoured!!

There are house rules: no racist, homophobic or ableist comments, no body shaming etc. You are presented these on arrival. “… we are actors, so suck it up!” “Just sit down, shut up, eat your food and enjoy the banter.”

These actor-waiters are well-trained. Some should be in films. Gangster films. They don’t veer from the rude illusion. It’s more than a side-serving of rudeness – it’s disconcerting at first, then overwhelming, then when you relax into it, amusing. How can they never smile?

Asking other diners their opinions, the feedback was unanimous: It’s fabulous, it’s funny, it’s different, it’s definitely worth the experience.

Karen’s Diner is a sign of the times. How many times have restaurant staff had to put up with rude, impatient and overbearing diners? Too many! The tables have turned here and gives staff and customers a chance to shrug in a Mediterranean way and put things in perspective. As my waiter said “You’re not really starving are you!!”.

Oh, and the food, I thought it was good but will give our food critic the chance to go along and give it a good bashing.

***** 5 stars for unsmiling service

Karen’s Diner, Brighton Marina

Angi Mariani