The Landlady & the suspiciously clean house…

I was amazed on returning from Portugal to find the kitchen in a similar state to how it would have been had I been there cleaning and scrubbing all week. The filth usually in situ when I return from a holiday was nowhere to be seen and I was initially so bewildered that I thought my children and lodgers might have been admitted to hospital, kidnapped, or gone on holiday in my absence. I fondly stroked the brand new, sleek black dishwasher, which is more of a Porsche Turbo than a dishwasher, and silently thanked it for arriving the very day before I went away.

“Reality lurked inside the dishwasher when I opened the door”

Mind you, reality lurked inside the dishwasher when I opened the door and it was obvious from the appalling stacking that my children had very much been present in my absence. My children tend to only load the front half of the dishwasher, as anything which requires pulling out a drawer in order to stack it properly also requires an amount of effort that neither of them possesses. Still, the kitchen was tidy, so I didn’t really care if they’d had the half-empty dishwasher on four times a day while I was away.

With domestic matters in order, I had to address the ongoing issue – for the past six years in fact – of the purchase of the Freehold of the properties I own in Hastings. I had been receiving various emails on the topic throughout my holiday. There are eight flats in the building, of which I own a half-share of two. Of the other six lessees, three are perfectly sane, reasonable people and the other three are – as far as I’m concerned – obstreperous idiots.

Five years ago, I went to great efforts in order to get the valuation of the Freehold done, organise solicitors, form a limited company and generally run around like a headless –and for the most part unpaid – chicken for six months. As we were just a day away from exchange, one of the obstreperous lessees said he wasn’t prepared to go ahead at the agreed price, as he thought it was too expensive. Of course, said lessee did nothing to suggest how we could get the price down or offer his ‘expert’ advice during the lengthy negotiation process. His lack of participation made the other five participating lessees decide not to go ahead. Instead, we went for the Right To Manage, which has done nothing more than act as an ineffectual sticking plaster. Now, with leases running under 70 years, the lessees are murmuring once more about the possible Freehold purchase. I think I’m going to be busy for the next six months…

Illustration: Jake McDonald www.shakeyillustrations.blogspot.com