Andrew Kay: The clap
No, not that kind of clap, thank you very much. The clap I refer to is applause, the supposedly spontaneous expression of approval or joy that sees us slapping one hand against the other to create a rippling sound of delight. Or at least that’s what it should be – should it not?
Of late I have become slightly wary of clapping. It seems to have become a cover-all gesture for all manner of things. I started to ponder this whilst sat at a concert.
It was an act that I have liked for a long time but somehow the joy I was hoping to feel was being marred, and by the clap. You see at every song, within a few bars, or even a few notes sometimes, the audience would burst into applause, sometimes so loud that I could not hear the music I had gone to hear.
So what was that applause for? Well, you could argue that it was praise for the artists’ artistry, for writing the song or having chosen to record a song written by someone else. It could have been applause given in advance for the performance we were about to hear, if, of course, we could hear above the applause…
What I suspect is that it is applause of self congratulation from an audience who are delighted that they have recognised the song from just a few notes. Well done but shut up now please so the rest of us can hear what have come to hear.
The same happens in the theatre, when a known actor makes an entrance and the audience burst into applause in recognition of their past acclaim, their achievements, whether it be on stage, screen or TV or perhaps even because they won a rather ugly court case in which they were acquitted of some heinous crime. All the same, the play stops for a few moments whilst the actor acknowledges that the audience know who she or he is. Very dull if all you want to know is what the play is about.
“Clapping is reaching epidemic status with many of us bashing our hands together at the slightest provocation”
Clapping is reaching epidemic status with many of us bashing our hands together at the slightest provocation. This is, of course, making me sound rather curmudgeonly once again, which I am not.
I will stand and clap like billy-o when I feel it is deserved, often rising to my feet to ovate with fervour – I just don’t like it intruding on the performance or the beginning and end of a piece of music. And don’t get me started on those people who feel the need to shout out before the end of a song. ‘Bravo’ they cry, often unaware that they have the gender wrong. Philistines!
But this is not all, the most irritating use of the manual expression of pleasure comes on TV and mainly on chat shows. I rather enjoy chat shows, especially the good ones, although the bad ones can be equally good fun. Nothing is better than a bright star running rings around an inept presenter.
Why is it though that at the end of an interview when the presenter thanks the guest for coming on, especially when the opportunity has been used simply to plug a new book, record, film… that the guest applauds him/herself? You must have noticed; Graham Norton says thank you and the guest stands up and starts to clap, Jonathan Ross says thank you and the guest bursts into self-praising applause. What is this? Surely they must see that it looks silly.
Bring back the discrete bow, the polite nod of the head in acknowledgement – even the curtsey, well why not? The audience applauds, at the right time please, and the star accepts and shows appreciation for that applause.
I’ve been to many TV recordings and seen them employ a card or a flashing light to say ‘applause now’, please, oh please can we have one that says the opposite, just shut the…
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