Hal Cruttenden interview
King Hal
Hal Cruttenden’s star is rising well, taking his well-spoken humour to Live At The Apollo, Mock The Week, Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow and more. Victoria Nangle finds out just how tough this Luvvie really is
How the devil are you today?
“I’m my usual smiley psychotic self.”
I’m really chuffed that you’re coming to Brighton with your own show. Can you tell us briefly what we can expect from it?
“Jokes. Is that brief enough? Seriously though, it’s my best stand up to date. One hour and 50 minutes of hilarity with some very ill-informed social and political opinions thrown in for good measure.”
You come to Brighton quite a lot. Lucky us! What’s your favourite Brighton story?
“I don’t really have a Brighton story. Does everyone have a story here? Dammit. When I think of Brighton I just think of lovely chilled out audiences who are a pleasure to entertain. You even voted for a Green Party MP – you total nutters.”
Your comedy creates that perfect storm of steely-eyed niceness. How do you maintain such a positive persona?
“I’m not that positive, I just smile a lot. It’s a tension smile like Tony Blair I suppose. This is
one of the reasons I should never be allowed near political power.”
Without meaning to sound rude, you do have a remarkable name. What’s the oddest response or intro you’ve ever had to your marvellous remarkable name?
“I’m rather proud that Joan Rivers completely cocked up my name at the Montreal Festival Gala in 2008. I was on first and she was compere.
“I’m rather proud that Joan Rivers completely cocked up my name”
My snobby reaction to the mess she made of my name got me my first laugh. I gave her the correct pronunciation and said, ‘It’s Norman French’. Canadians love that kind of superior snottiness. But it was great to be mispronounced by a legend. I actually found out later my name isn’t Norman at all – it’s Anglo-Saxon. So I am scum after all. I should have changed it when I went into comedy but I was hoping the fact that my sister, Abigail Cruttenden, was quite a well known actress might get me more attention.
It didn’t. She’s blonde and beautiful and people never thought we were related.”
If you could have your own TV or radio show, what would you like it to be?
“I do have my own radio show coming out in the Autumn. It’s a sitcom called ‘Hal’ on Radio Four. It’s all about being middle aged and having a breakdown – for some reason people find this hilarious.”
What invention do you wish you could have invented?
“I wish I had a Time Machine and could travel back in time and tell my 18 year old self to stop arsing around and start doing stand up rather than leaving it until my late twenties. I also wish I could tell myself to find my wife at that age and marry her. That would stop her having any other major relationships before our marriage and thus she wouldn’t be able to talk about ex-boyfriends with that glint in her eye that makes me jealous!”
What have you got planned for 2014?
“Well I am building a time machine but I’m not sure when it will be finished. The tour is taking up most of my attention at the moment with the hope that we’ll have a DVD out by Christmas. I’ll also be doing the radio sitcom, some panel shows – I’m filming ‘Would I Lie to You’ next week – and hopefully some stand up slots on TV.”
You seem like such a well brought up ‘luvvie’. When was the last time you remember displaying any kind of bad manners?
“Piss off.”
Thank you very much indeed.
Hal Cruttenden: The Tough Luvvie Tour, Komedia, Thursday 3 April 2014, 8pm, £15, 0845 293 8480, www.komedia.co.uk/brighton
