Wave: It’s Not You…

Each month, dating coach Tammy James answers your relationship questions

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years and have a house together. I’m keen to start a family but he says he’s not ready. What should I do?

Sadly, us women have to make our minds up about having children before nature decides we can’t. For men, they can take their time. Think back to when you got together and what your boyfriend’s view on children was then. If he was clear he wanted children then he could genuinely need more time. Lots of men don’t like to think of having kids until they feel they are in a stable relationship and can financially support their child. If your boyfriend has been pretty evasive about the subject of children from the start it’s unlikely you’ll be able to change him and giving him more time will make no difference. It’s time for a frank discussion with him: what does he want and when? If he can’t say, then you need to think about how important this is to you.

I enjoy my job but I’ve recently got a new boss who I can’t stand. They pick at everything I do and won’t let me make decisions anymore. I hate conflict, but I’m not sure how much longer I can put up with this. What do I do?

The golden rule here is that you can’t change their behaviour but you can change your approach to it so you don’t feel as bad. This isn’t likely to get resolved without you talking to your boss. It doesn’t have to be confrontational, particularly if you prepare yourself beforehand. Firstly, ask yourself how justified the new manager is in their approach – have you taken your foot off the gas without realising it? Secondly, write a list of everything that is upsetting you and the impact it has. Finally, think about how you’d like each of your points to be resolved. Make sure you’re constructive and remain professional at this point! You are now armed for a discussion. Longer term, you need to work out how you can improve your approach to conflict and identify some techniques to help. Contact me about one-to-one coaching.

I’m trying a bit of internet dating. Is it acceptable to lie in your profile?

There is a fine line between presenting yourself in a positive light and telling a load of big fat whoppers! Shaving a little off your weight and adding a little on your height is acceptable, but lying about whether you have kids, taking huge chunks off your age, or telling people you want a serious relationship when you want a fling, isn’t. You’ll end up hurting someone or yourself.

Wave readers receive £10 off my Successful Dating Workshop by quoting INYIMW06 – email info@itsnotyouitsme.co.uk to find out dates and secure your place.

If you have a relationship problem you’d like answering please email it to info@itsnotyouitsme.co.uk
Please note Tammy cannot enter into personal correspondence with you unless your problem is chosen for publication. Please indicate your email is from Wave.
Email: info@itsnotyouitsme.co.uk
Web: www.itsnotyouitsme.co.uk
Twitter: @itsnotyouitsme_

Tammy James Msc, is director of Itsnotyouitsme.co.uk, a coaching practice specialising in dating and relationships. Using a combination of coaching techniques and good old fashioned advice, itsnotyouitsme.co.uk provides one-to-ones and group workshops.