Mad Matt

Matt Whistler gets caught up in a ludicrous heist

Well, there’s the usual mundanities of life: picking up lettuce out of an overfilled sandwich, cleaning under the settee cushions after a year of gathering loose change and being in a bank heist. REWIND! There is nowt boring about being in a bank heist. True (a response to myself – split persoinality alert)

Stage one: A crowd gathered at the film and art joint Lighthouse in downtown Brighton. The crowd had not previously met and we were all informed there was going to be a bank heist and we were going to be in it.

Stage two: The crowd was then frog marched to a secret location in the knowledge that something was going down. I purchased a carrot on route, in case I needed to stick it in the end of a gun pointing at me.

Stage three: Enter the location and work out who has tapped into some security cameras and why they/who are building up to a bank heist. There were robots, cameras, powder, pregnancy test kits, half eaten chocolate bars and overflowing ash trays next to baffling plans. It was just like being back in the editing room when making a comedy film; I felt very much at home.

Stage four: Work out what was in the bank vault, which you can see on a bank of security cameras. After examining every object and camera shot in fine detail the answer prevailed… a pregnant lady took a wrong turning into the location, instantly fell in love with a sweaty metal head and hijacked a man from Maplins to set them up with full surveillance; the moose on standby throws custard at bank robbers to protect the popcorn in the vault which is a bag of a thousand faces all to be given an identity when the cinemas close down.

Note to reader: If you think that was obscure you should hear everyone else’s theories…