Richard Hearn is looking for signs of alien life
Spoiler alert. Although it’s not a spoiler for a recent film, and anyway, it’s not one of those big, big endings, like if I’d said Charlton Heston, he’s actually been on Earth all along! Or Bruce Willis – he’s a ghost! Or Darth Vader turns out to be Luke‘s father (I reckon I must have covered that one already in this column.)
Oops. Anyway. The film I was actually intending to give away the ending for is Signs (2002). Mel Gibson’s kids have odd quirks throughout the film. These seem unconnected until the invasion of aliens when these random choices turn out to be useful.
“Youngest’s behaviour must mean incoming aliens”
Youngest™ – and to a lesser extent The Boy, when the same age – have or had a set of quirks and preferences that defy logic. The only explanation must be it’s all preparation for an incoming extraterrestrial attack. Watch this space. Or just watch Space.
An additional clue: if you try and divert Youngest™ from one of his quirks, he acts as if it’s life or death. Surely he can’t be exaggerating the importance? It therefore must mean incoming aliens.
Let me list some quirks: carrying tiny Lego Harry Potter owls when he goes in the car; clutching twisted foil with impenetrable strength; always moving a small chair either side of the chair he’s sitting in at dinner-time and getting very annoyed if I try and change seats midway through an evening.
The Boy currently is determined to put everything in order of favourites. Previously, he used to hate crossing a threshold – if inside, he hated going out the front door, and vice versa. Plus, he’d always want to open the microwave when it beeped.
So let’s talk specifics of this alien attack. Perhaps there will be the need to get through doors swiftly to avoid radiation (microwave opening) plus an improvised weapon might need tiny objects to act as makeshift bullets (those plastic owls). When escaping in a rocket, perhaps there’ll be a need to cushion yourself from a side-on pincer attack (those chairs). Youngest™, making sure I don’t sit on a particular armchair, is in anticipation of a laser beam scorching through the living room window, cushions well and truly scattered. The Boy’s picking things out in a certain order might possibly foreshadow a future thrilling bomb disposal moment, and as for the foil, well, it looks like it’s from the future, isn’t that enough?
Just guessing. Alternatively, the aliens may arrive, take one look at Youngest™ with his twisted foil, owls and lined-up chairs and they’ll turn to each other and say ‘Nope. We’ve done a thousand years of research on the human race in order to defeat them – but it’s clearly not enough.’
