Richard Hearn says one plus one is doo…

I’m thinking of touring the country with Youngest™. We’d be a circus act where Youngest™, aged two and a half, would answer questions from the audience. “What is one plus one? How many Everly brothers are there? What would you say is the perfect number of people you need to tango?”
Youngest™ would answer correctly each time. Yes, you’ve guessed it. We’ve planted those questions. And two, or “doo” as he says, is always the answer.

This is my roundabout way of saying that Youngest™ is obsessed with the number two. All number questions are answered with “doo”. Often he will excitedly rush over to tell you that he’s just seen “doo” of something. For added emphasis, he will often do a V sign as well. We recently went around the Isle of Wight, with him V signing like a miniature Paul McCartney (‘Ticket to Ryde’ anyone?) or Winston Churchill, “which World War were you involved in again, Winston?” “Doo”.
His obsession with the number doesn’t always work in his favour. “Would you like a biscuit?” “Doo.” But, “would you like three biscuits?” “Doo.”
It feels like negotiation, of sorts, although I always know the point he’s aiming for. And no we’re not misunderstanding what he’s saying and ‘doo’ is actually his word for yes, or something.

Without getting too mathematical, it’s not the amount of something that’s important, it’s the number of units. To give you an example, he might sometimes get very upset by having a single chunk of banana. Divide this single piece into two – and there’s no trickery, it’s done in front of him – and he’s happy.

Which Godfather was Robert De Niro in? How many players feature in the Wimbledon Men’s Singles Final? How many ears do most people have? Doo.

This new obsession, combined with his love of animals (previously mentioned in this column), makes his ideal job that of Noah. He could stand by the ramp and count each species of animal in. I’m not sure the job comes up that often, but I’m going to scour Latest 7’s Situations Vacant from now on.

Or maybe he could be in a team of roadies who test microphones before big concerts. He could stand by the microphone and say “doo” a lot. We just need to find someone who’s as keen on saying “one”.
At breakfast this morning, The Boy suddenly asked Youngest™ “How old are you?” I thought; this one’s obvious. Absolutely nailed, he’ll get this one right… “Eight” said Youngest™.