Andrew Kay says goodbye and good riddance to a dismal and drizzly April

Hands up, it was my fault, not intentional you understand, but my fault all the same. April was a drizzly mess and it’s all down to me.

“How?” I hear you say. Well, let me start at the beginning. Apart from one week of freakish sun, which I missed by being legless with a damaged knee, this year so far had been cold, drab and oddly dry. The news was full of stories of oncoming drought, hosepipe bans and standpipes in the streets.

I tend not to feel the cold, but the merest hint of a rise in temperature and I feel it. My winter cashmere coat was getting far too hot but my summer jacket was no good either. Something in between was required, a lighter, perhaps waterproof garment of some kind had to be sought.

“Old’ I may be, ‘git’ I sometimes am, but ‘old’ and ‘git’ combined, not yet, no thanks!”

Off I went, no clear idea of what I wanted but plenty of ideas of what I did not. I’m certainly not paying to walk around the streets acting as an advertising hoarding for some label, smothered in their logos and campaign slogans. The alternatives however seemed pretty thin on the ground, and when Mr R appeared with a hanger on which dangled a beige jerkin with elasticated waist and cuffs I contemplated giving up. ‘Old’ I may be, ‘git’ I sometimes am but ‘old’ and ‘git’ combined, not yet, no thanks!

I was all set for giving up and going home when we spotted a rather nice double breasted navy raincoat. I tried it on, having first ascertained that it bore the requisite number of X’s on the size label – and it fit. I then discovered it was in the sale, a double whammy I thought, and dashed off to buy it. We celebrated with a pint and went home, bag in hand.

The next day I decided to wear it out for the first time, it was, after all, purchased as an every day coat and not for best. I locked up, climbed the steps to the street and as I did it started to drizzle. The drizzle turned to rain and the rain persisted, off and on for weeks.

It was my fault. Had I bought a warm jacket though, there might have been snow, so rain is not so bad – and as everyone so boringly keeps reminding me – the gardens need it! If, by chance, you see me trying on a pair of wellington boots, then at all costs stop me!