Malone is more scared of the light than the dark

The small child has not got used to the new place. She often wakes in the night, complaining of being scared. It’s the upstairs elderly neighbours going to the toilet at 3am clattering into things and dropping walking sticks. Poor things. My little one hasn’t got used to their sounds. In our last flat she would sleep through all the crazy parties that my neighbours threw, snored through techno music pumping out til 4am. We always lived there, so I guess it’s what she knew. Maybe I should pop on some techno to soothe her back to sleep next time she wakes me at 2.57am.

“Maybe I should pop on some techno to soothe her back to sleep”

I remember when she was a baby, I’d try anything to soothe her back to sleep. Someone suggested white noise similar to the muffled noise heard by the baby in the womb, so I tried hoovering and putting the washing machine on! Honestly. Such is the desperation of the new mother. Well I’m not a new mother anymore and I still can’t work out how to keep my child in her bed all night. I’ve given her a night light she can turn on herself. I’ve hidden the cuddly toys (they’re ‘scary’ apparently, too right…Hello Toy Story 3? Watch out for evil teddies.)

I leave her door ajar with a light on in the hallway, we’ve even put a digital photo frame in her room with rotating reassuring shots of family. Still she awakes, telling me she is scared of this, that and the other. I’m scared! I’m scared the bags under my eyes will become permanent. It’s not always easy to return to sleep once the nearly six-year-old is in the bed, she’s not as small as she used to be, she wriggles with the sound of slurpy thumb sucking. I never want her to feel scared and I’m also half asleep wanting to not open my eyes. This leads to a severe conflict in interests. Moving one’s limbs vs not moving one’s limbs. I usually opt for not moving my 2am sleeping body, saying something nice and reassuring before embracing her into my bed and attempting to re-kindle a dream. This disturbs my partner who has only 4 hours before he needs to get up for work. Perhaps mothers can switch off the slurping of thumb sucking etc, but perhaps it’s harder for partners. My boyfriend gets up and sleeps in the lounge. He’d rather sleep with a cold throw over him on a sofa than endure the wriggling child in our bed.

So I try to take her back to her bed sometimes, laying with her til she’s asleep, though this is less successful; often she will keep one eye open for evil teddy bears while I am keeping one eye open waiting to see if she is asleep. Mummy is not scared of the dark, but that light through the windows which signals that it’s now morning and another night of sleep is lost…

Illustration: Jake McDonald www.shakeyillustrations.blogspot.com