Andrew Kay is planning his Olympian activity

As most of you will have gathered, I am not very sporty. I can enjoy a spot of tennis (as a spectator), but the rest gives me indigestion. If I do get involved I end up with the most terrible tummy ache. That said, I am excited for all you sports fans and genuinely hope that the next weeks are filled with joy and delight as international athletes strive for sporting excellence.
I, however, will be performing my own Olympian feat, welcome to Andrew Kay’s Very Modern Pentathlon.

“Welcome to Andrew Kay’s Very Modern Pentathlon”

Event One
The Televisual Scramble. Competitors will have to find a full evening of TV entertainment that does not include watching the Olympics. Points will be given for the competitor who achieves this by using programmes on the Mina terrestrial channels. Points will be deducted for programmes from other schedules.

Event Two
The Olympian Trolley Dash. You have five minutes in which to fill your supermarket trolley with items branded Olympic that have absolutely no sporting connection whatsoever, e.g. washing up liquid. Extra points will be awarded for items also branded limited edition. The items should be left in the trolley and not purchased.

Event Three
The Olympian Pub Crawl. Competitors will have to find, and have a drink, in as many bars and pubs as possible that are not showing Olympic TV coverage.

Event Four
The Olympian Biscuit Binge. Competitors will be required to eat their own body weight in baked confectionery items. (This event has been created to favour the less athletic amongst us.)

Event Five
The Grand Brand Slam. The competitor who spots and records the most incidences of unofficial usages of the protected Olympic brand will be the winner.