Richard Hearn has a week off. Youngest™ fills in

This week, let‘s let Youngest™ talk you through a day that I was on primary childcare duties. “The day started badly when Daddy said I should have my nappy changed. I made it clear it was the Worst News Ever and Daddy seemed surprised. Then I remembered I could hold a Lego guy while it was being done, and the world didn’t actually end.

“We took The Boy to school. A hilarious moment ensued when I insisted I wanted to walk, and then soon after that I wanted to go in the pushchair. Funny how life turns out! Daddy seemed cross.

“More fun at the supermarket when I decided to roam free rather than get in the trolley which was much more exciting for everyone. Daddy said if I sat in the trolley I could have a snack. Who does he think he is? I’m not easily bought.

“Sat in the trolley, had a snack. After, we went to Funplex, where outside I saw the most fascinating thing: gravel encased in concrete. Inside I mainly ran up and down the slope and then asked lots of questions when Daddy had a coffee. I say ‘lots of questions’. It was actually the same question lots of times. Outside, I fell over and cut myself on some gravel encased in concrete.

“I busied myself with putting toy ice cream into the toy kettle… It’s good to get that job out the way”

“At about 2pm, while Daddy felt tired on the sofa, I busied myself with putting toy ice cream into the toy kettle, adding toy peas at the end. It’s good to get that job out the way. I gave Daddy regular updates on how I was getting on.

“We collected The Boy from school and today he was having His Friend over. They were great fun! They knew how to run around in circles better than anyone! They shrieked like monsters and clambered up on low walls. One great bit involved each of us kicking a bit of barley by a tree! That was great!”

“Daddy informed The Boy and His Friend that we were stopping on the walk back to get a pudding for their tea. Although he clearly said my name, I still worried that I might miss out, so I shouted out ‘And me!’ about six times just to register my interest.

“Mixed emotions on the new trampoline. Sometimes I loved the fact that we were all bouncing. Next moment, I wanted them to stop. No, I can’t explain it either. Finally I had a bath with The Boy. The best bit was a game with our stick-on jigsaw pieces. I didn’t totally understand the rules, but The Boy put a yacht, an umbrella, a crab and a pirate in line, and then told me he’d won. Better luck tomorrow!”