Etiquette with Hetty Kwet

Our columnist solves your social behaviour problems. This week: writing an email

Dear Hetty,
Due in no small measure to the recent dramatic increase in the price of postage stamps, I have recently purchased a “personal computer” and set up what I believe is called an “email account” as a method of communication. Never having received nor sent an “email” before, I wondered if you could advise me on the correct etiquette when writing one. Do the normal letter-writing rules apply, or are there some other, more modern, guidelines one is supposed to follow? Please advise, as I have no desire to make myself look foolish.
Col. Rupert Marchbanks
(Retired), Aldrington

Dear Colonel,
I can’t say I approve of emails; personally speaking, I rely on my trusty Parker fountain pen and a good stock of Basildon Bond, thank you very much, but your frugality is certainly to be applauded. As regards the correct manner of composing an email, Debretts advises that formal letter-writing rules apply, but with several small changes. There is no need to include an address at the top of the “page”, and instead of “Dear Sir or Madam” or “Dear Mr./Mrs./Miss” the salutation “Yo” is to be used. Rather than the traditional “yours faithfully” or “yours sincerely” one should sign off with the words “in your face”.

Oh, and if attaching a Jpeg of a kitten playing the piano or a film clip of a fat person falling down some steps, the words “take a look at this!” should always be in parentheses.
Hetty X

Your safe word

Each week we ask a couple from Brighton’s thriving BDSM Scene what their
safe word is.

This week: Mr and Mrs Causley of Hove. Their
safe word is…
“Winnebago.”

In & Out

Special “awful sequels with a colon in the title” edition

In
• Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights
• Butch and Sundance: The Early Days
• Matrix: Reloaded
• Jaws: The Revenge
• Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows

Out
• Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
• Speed 2: Cruise Control
• Matrix: Revolutions
• National Treasure: Book Of Secrets
• Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde