Richard Hearn on Noddy, Big Ears and tattoos

The Boy and Youngest™ were in their new beds, made that day. (When I say ‘made’ I mean constructed.) With The Boy, they were an overnight success (could they be any other kind?). Youngest™ was less sure, but that‘s another story.

Youngest™ was lying under a Noddy duvet and wanted to hear a Noddy story. “He loves Noddy,” said The Boy. “Imagine if he was wearing his Noddy pyjamas,” he added, “and… imagine if he had Noddy Tattoos.”

“Noddy is definitely a phase that will pass”

Noddy tattoos. Imagine indeed. That’s a tattoo you’re going to regret. I think most tattoos are potentially regrettable – “at this moment in my life, what would be a great idea is a wolf’s head on my chest” etc – but I’m thinking that the love of Noddy is definitely a phase that will pass.

If Youngest™ really wants a tattoo, I might persuade him to have ’love’ and ’hate’ done on his knuckles. At least they’re emotions that remain relevant through your life, even if the emblazoning of them on your skin is not the most perfect expression. If he really objects to their confrontational nature, I reckon an expert tattooist could alter the word ’hate’ to ’hats’. He loves hats. Actually maybe go for ’love’ and ’hats’ now and ’love’ and ’hate’ at 21, when he gets a job as a bouncer.

Noddy tattoos. I can’t get the expression out of my head. Obviously they could take many forms; there are stylistic choices to make. Perhaps something subtle, a monochrome version of Noddy’s car on your lower back. You could go the whole hog and have the entire cast including Mr Sparks, Big Ears, Martha Monkey and the skittles lined up and waving, expertly interpreted by a professional artist. Not sure.

It could be discreet, an image taken from a particular episode, so in the future, when Youngest™ is in his late twenties in some rugby changing room, a fellow player turns and says ‘I see you’ve got a tattoo there,’ and Youngest™ can turn and answer, bold as brass: “Yes, that’s a goblin cheekily stealing one of Noddy’s presents. From my favourite episode.“

Even going for an ‘artistic’ interpretation – a calligraphic piece of Chinese writing on his forearm, say – might come back to haunt him, when an earnest translator realises it says “Big Ears”.

Overall, I would say I sit on the fence on many topics, but on this one I‘m definite. I reckon I can state with some certainty that getting a Noddy tattoo would be a very bad idea.
So Peppa Pig it is then.