The Landlady heads further north

In July, I spent less than nine days at home in Brighton. I have rushed around Europe, to the North of England and back, only stopping to re-load the toilet rolls in the student bathroom, water the plants, hoover up and stuff the fridge with ready meals.

Last night at my Aunty D’s, I could take no more of the memory loss conversation and had to retire at 9.30pm, while she went out with a dangerous-looking implement with which to curtail some wayward plants. On the phone to The Boyfriend who, lucky thing, is still unable to travel due to his catastrophically broken foot, I told him I wanted to come home immediately.

I had even checked the price of train tickets for the following day, which were so ridiculous that I resigned myself to the fact that I had to stick to my original plan and head further North.

So here I am on a train from Stoke to York, via Manchester. There has already been a severe delay at Macclesfield due to signal failure. The poor platform guard at Macclesfield Station was, within two minutes of the delay, harangued by a harridan who claimed she had to collect a lorry in Manchester in exactly one hour and that he would personally be paying for the taxi she would now have to take. As good karma would have it, the train pulled off at precisely the same moment as she got into a taxi outside the station as the signals miraculously sprung back into life.

I am now in Leeds, where we have been informed in a delightful accent, that we will be proceeding at a ‘very cautious’ pace until Garforth, as it has been reported that there are trespassers on the line.

Although I am into the final leg of my Northern tour, there will be no let-up until at least mid-August as my York friend is coming back to Brighton with me and her kids to spend some of their summer holiday.

I will have to probably stay at The Boyfriend’s, as this visit coincides with the student season. Even The Small Daughter’s room is being let out to an actor who’s performing at Brighton Dome all week. Then, The Big Daughter, The Small Daughter, The Big Daughter’s Boyfriend, The Adopted Daughter and her husband and I are off to Spain for a week.

“All of these delightful excursions will be peppered with making beds, doing washing and re-loading toilet rolls like some hideous housework relay”

All of these delightful excursions will be peppered with making beds, doing washing and re-loading toilet rolls like some hideous housework relay. Good job I’m going for a proper holiday at the end of August.