Distracted Dad’s cat tales

We have a cat. Hardly earth-shattering news, I know, but for my wife and The Boy it’s a long-standing ambition. As for Youngest(TM), he points out cats and dogs around Brighton and Hove like we’re on the best safari ever, so imagine what he’d be like when a cat lives with us! It’s me that’s been resistant. I was worried it would be another chore, another commitment, like having another – whisper the word quietly, but with menace – child.

The Boy once designed his own reward chart with 100 squares and a final one with the prize “Get Cat”. Those same words ‘Get Cat’ have appeared on my wife’s To Do List for years. Eventually, I weakened/was convinced (call it what you will) and we have a cat, and now I couldn’t imagine life without him.

So first up, the name. My dad seemed to have a set of Suitable Names for Cats, but in my view you can choose from all the words in the world, or make one up. Call it ‘Pencils’, ‘Carthage’ or ‘Dr Suitcase’, if you want. Anyway, we settled on Percy, or ‘Dee Kat!’ as Youngest(TM) calls him. A side story: the first sentence one guy at university said to me was ‘My dog’s called Richard’. Surprisingly, we became good friends. (He used to take me for walks.)

Percy darts around, sleeps in unlikely places, leaps up onto surfaces in an annoying and cute fashion, and has fantastic hearing when anything happens in the kitchen. I have already become one of those people who post pictures of their pets on Facebook. But I am not ashamed.

The Boy can be found at 6.30am reading on the armchair, with Percy sitting above and behind. It’s a contented scene. Percy gets excited when I arrive downstairs, but only because I’m someone who can reach the food. Youngest(TM) was slightly less keen than The Boy when Percy arrived, and treated him in much the manner that The Boy treats him; slightly disdainful and annoyed at his presence. Perhaps, Youngest(TM) felt he’d been usurped; if so, it wasn’t helped by the fact that I keep calling the cat by Youngest(TM)’s name.

Youngest(TM) is also worried that Dee Kat! is after his Lego. Small objects that lie on the floor – what’s not to like? There was that early moment when Percy jumped onto a surface crammed with lego, his paws struggling to get a foothold while lego scattered behind him, like rocks off a mountain ledge. Youngest(TM) was not impressed.

Percy is three months old, and has exactly the same birthday as me. That seems significant. Time will tell in what way. Maybe he’ll just get nicer presents than me. I’ve already decided I’m going I’m going to ask for a big ball of string for my next birthday, and not share it. Am I being unreasonable?

Perhaps I’m just trying to settle a score, making up for the fact that we battle over my laptop mouse (unfortunately, I prefer a wired mouse, or as Percy calls it: ‘tailed’). He has broken the mouse. This makes a mockery of everything I’ve learnt from Tom and Jerry. Its narrative arc is based on a lie.

In real life, the cat ALWAYS wins.

Richard Hearn
www.richardhearn.co.uk