Comedy: Lucy Porter

Lucy Porter takes some time out to chat with Victoria Nangle about her Edinburgh preview at the Caroline Of Brunswick

Hello! How are you today?
Marvellous thank you, I’m actually writing this from my holiday balcony in Majorca. Cheers! (I’m raising a glass of sangria in your direction.)

I love that your show is called Me Time. Do you ever get any?
I sort of hate the phrase ‘me time’, but it is appropriate for this show because being on stage is now the most relaxing part of my day.

I find working much easier and less stressful than looking after my children. Even the most demanding audience member doesn’t smear banana all over my legs or inexplicably punch me in the head. Also, show time is the time when I get to tell people what I think and sound authoritative. Nowadays I find conversation too baffling as I have utterly lost touch with all cultural references. I get Little Mix confused with The Saturdays, and I can only name one Kardashian.

Surely honing this work-in-progress show must eat into your ‘me time’ hugely. How do you balance that?
This break in Majorca is my only week off in a year. That said, I only work two or three days and nights a week, so I can’t really grumble. Plus I love my job and I get to work in ace pubs like the Caroline Of Brunswick. I also hide from my family in the bathroom if it’s all getting too much.

What is your favourite guilty indulgence?
Apart from hiding in the bathroom? Alcohol? Cheese? I went vegan for a while and realised that my diet
is 98% cheese. I also play a game called Bookworm on my phone.

I could have written a novel the length of War And Peace if I hadn’t wasted so much time on it.

What are your ambitions for the rest of 2014 – personally and professionally?
Professionally I just want to get through the summer: I’m doing my own show at the Edinburgh Festival, plus writing and producing a play there called The Fair Intellectual Club. I’m having a break from touring in the autumn so I hope to finish writing my novel then. Personally, I aim to memorise all the world capitals,
US state capitals and kings and queens of England. And do lots of pub quizzes. I also plan to see more of my friends. I’ve neglected my social life for work and family over the past few years. I have warned my friends I’ll only see them if they come to pub quizzes with me though.

A lot of people question the value of seeing a preview. What do you think the audience gets from it?
Well, preview shows tend to be cheaper for a start. They’re also sillier and more fun. Yes, there will
be bits that don’t work, but you get to see the creative process and you could be in at the start of a masterpiece. It’s like being allowed to watch a Da Vinci being painted. And you can join in with the creative process – the final show will be shaped by your reactions. You wouldn’t have been allowed to grab a paintbrush and give the Mona Lisa a bigger grin.

What’s your favourite thing about playing preview shows?
It feels like starting stand-up again because you can’t fall back on old material, so it’s very exciting.
I tend to incorporate a quiz, so naturally that gives me tremendous pleasure. Last year people had to identify the two most famous characters portrayed by Dave Prowse and identify which county Derby is in.

What is the silliest thing that made you laugh out loud recently?
Someone told me a pub joke I hadn’t heard before. A woman gets on to the bus with her baby and the driver says: “That’s the ugliest child I’ve ever seen.” The woman takes a seat at the back of the bus. Fuming and indignant she turns to the man next to her and says: “That driver just said something really offensive to me.” The man says: “Well don’t you stand for it, go and tell him off!
Don’t worry, I’ll hold your monkey.”

What’s your favourite use of ‘me time’ you’ve ever heard from friends and family?
I guess it would be a good way to describe defecation, micturition and masturbation. I think it’s best used ironically when you have to do something really unpleasant like drain an abscess or unblock a U-bend.