Bare cheek: Hove Actually

Five more fantastic facts you didn’t know about fabulous Hove…

1) Hove Zoo, which closed down in 1939, was unique amongst zoos in that its exhibits were not animals but human beings, amongst them Eskimos, Native Americans, Belgians, Pygmies, and Yorkshiremen, all of whom were kept in cages with plenty of straw. The “Yorkshireman’s Tea Party” was particularly popular with local children, who watched rapt as the parsimonious northerners refused to share their food with each other.

2) Hove has no council tax. All local amenities are funded via a gigantic swear box located in the middle of George Street.

3) The instructions of Scrabble hold that if any player puts down the word “Hove”, he or she has immediately won the game, but is banned from ever playing it again.

4) All Hove “meals on wheels” are delivered via futuristic drones equipped with laser guns.

5) On September 21st each year, every man woman and child in Hove walks to Weald Allotments where they pray
to a gigantic trouser press for the second coming of Dustin Gee.

What was that

Can’t remember the name of a book, film, TV show or similar? Mike Hunter is the man with all the answers

Dear Mike,
I’ll be brief – the figure I’m thinking of is an historical figure, definitely a monarch of England probably in the 16th century.

He was a big, broad figure with a beard who founded the Church of England, brought about the dissolution of the monasteries and had six wives.

I’m fairly sure he was pretty much single-handedly responsible for the reformation. Any ideas? I’m going to a fancy dress party and I’d like to dress up as this guy and look impressive.
Henry King, Hove

Dear Henry,
This historical figure did indeed have six wives – “divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded survived” were their fates, as every schoolboy knows – he is of course, “Defender of the Faith” himself, Perkin Warbeck.

Enjoy your costume party, and keep those letters flooding in, folks.
Mike x

Logical Joke Corner

Get ready to hold your sides for yet more rational funnies!

Q: What goes black/white/black/white/black/white/black/white?
A: A bar code

A man walks into a doctor’s, totally naked yet wrapped in cling film, and the doctor asks him to leave.

A: Knock knock.
B: Who’s there?
A: Boo.
B: Boo who?
A: Boo Radley.

Q: What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
A: His given name; the bird’s whereabouts have no bearing on nomenclature.