Lynn Ruth Miller on jealous dogs

When In Rome

I t turns out that Fido not only wants to be your best friend, he wants to be your ONLY friend. A Californian study discovered that your little puppy is very possessive, and is determined to own you exclusively.

This kind of affection can be adorable in a toy poodle, but can be not only alarming but dangerous in a larger pet. I baby-sat a wolfhound named Jack some years ago who fell madly in love with me. Jack weighed upwards of 200 pounds, and was so tall he could gaze adoringly into my eyes without looking up.

When we strolled down the street, my paramour would raise his lip and expose his sharp canines to any passer-by who approached me. This was actually quite charming and made my morning walks very efficient; I no longer had to indulge in idle chatter or polite repartee. Jack and I got our morning constitutional done in record time.

However, severe problems arose, because Jack became insanely jealous if I dared to devote my entire attention to the computer instead of him. He went to surprising lengths to remind me that he was a lot more interesting than ‘Document 1’ or the starred messages in my in-box. His initial tactic was to race madly around my desk in ever widening circles, crashing into bookcases, couches and chairs in careless abandon. If I continued to ignore him amid the debris of fallen books and broken furniture, he would grab one of his toys and dangle it in front of my face as I typed industriously away.

My paramour would expose his sharp canines to any passer-by

The final tactic was to lay his enormous head on my lap and gaze adoringly into my eyes. Fifty pounds of skull and fur is something no one can ignore, especially when Jack insisted on pounding his head against my knees in case I didn’t notice his presence.

Jack stayed with me for three lovely (if destructive) months. While he was with me, I had to trash several books, a lounge chair and an antique dry sink inherited from my grandmother. I was forced to tape up both my legs because of severe muscle strain, and was the terror of the neighbourhood when I walked down the street. I had to buy a new keyboard, a screen and three memory sticks Jack had confused with his dog biscuits, but I finally understood the real cost of true love.

My house insurance paid for the interior damage and my health plan covered the physical injury, but Jack never recovered from his sense of loss when his owners returned. He ran away from home three times in an effort to find me, and finally his owner begged me to visit Jack and reassure him that he was first in my heart. However, when I arrived at his home, I had changed my perfume and my Romeo did not recognize me.
Which all goes to show that all dogs, be they human or canine, are victims of short term addictions and can easily be turned off with one unfamiliar whiff …