Brighton Lights: Richard Shayler on sea sickness and subliminal messages

Aye aye, cap’n

Parsnips. Where are they? They were here before! I could ask, but no, I don’t want to appear weak. Why do they always move their produce arou… oh here they are. Sweet potatoes? Why are they with the cucumbers?

This doesn’t make sense. Should I complain? No, I don’t want to cause a scene. Oh well,they’re now in my trolley and I’m now in the herbs and spices aisle. Oh look, three for two on spices! Star anise and cinnamon sticks here I come.

So I thought I’d James Joyce you all with my stream of consciousness from a recent shopping trip to the supermarket. I wanted to show you how fickle we have all become when we shop. We instantly forget how the supermarkets subliminally bully us into buying more than we need. Did I want that vanilla filled doughnut? No! But did I buy it? Yes, because they’d moved the bagels. I was bullied into passing these tremendously tasty, tempting treats, which subsequently made their way into my trolley. I often walk out of the supermarket light-headed, as if I’ve awoken from a lucid dream.

A dream where deals and BOGOFs are spiralling out of control, underpinned by softly spoken announcements of rogue Renault Clios in the parent-child bay.

As I sat in my car finishing that delicious vanilla doughnut, I thought to myself, wouldn’t it be great to film something for Brighton Lights about cooking? Something fresh, limiting the need for a supermarket trip. And then I remembered! Kieron from The Beach BBQ, down on the seafront, had already offered to take Guy Lloyd and I out on a boat to catch a mackerel and then cook it at his restaurant.

What an amazing day we had – out on the boat we went. It was “just about alright to go out”, according to the skipper from ‘Ross Boat Trips’. What he meant was, if you haven’t taken sea sickness tablets you’re not going to have a very good time.

It was choppy as anything. Very hard to film, but we persevered, dear readers. We caught 10 of the little fishies, then off we went to cook ‘em up.

The sun came out, the wind died down, and once we’d all stopped being sick we cooked the mackerel on a BBQ. Kieron made an amazing marinade to go with them, and they were incredible. Who needs supermarkets eh? We’ll be airing that VT in a few weeks’ time, so do tune in to watch. Wednesday to Saturday at 7pm, on Freeview channel 8 or Virgin Media 159.

We’ve got some great shows lined up for you this week, involving horse whispering, a comedy operatic singer and a 6ft 7” Welsh comedian. I won’t say any more, you’ll just have to tune in to find out! Oh, and we’ve got a zombie. Well, two actually. They were buy one get one free, after all.