Bare Cheek: Ten things to do before we’re fifty

It might seem hard to believe, dear reader, as you regard the youthful boat races staring out from the top of this page, but we are fast approaching our sixth decade. Hurtling, in fact. And it’s all downhill from there.

So we want to do something with our miserable lives before it’s too late. And here, for your delectation, is our list of stuff we want to do that we’ve never done before so don’t know how meaningless and disappointing
it is yet.

1 Finish a game of Ludo
2 See Highgate Cemetery
3 Wear dungarees without a shirt
4 Get the World Service on shortwave radio and pretend we’re living in a foreign dictatorship
5 Do a correspondence course
6 Go on a crawl of all the pubs in Brighton and Hove that we’ve never been in because they look horrible from the outside
7 Sport a moustache all year just to shave it off at the start of ‘Movember’
8 Come first in a meat raffle
9 Keep a well-stocked drinks cabinet
10 Order something from a catalogue

What would you like to do before you’re fifty? Maybe eat a packet of Cup-a-soup dry, part your hair on the wrong side, or shake hands with a disgraced vicar?

Please send your list to us at Bare Cheek, Latest 7, New England House, New England St., Brighton, and we might get around to reading it.

Perplexing Moments in Cinema no. 332

In ‘Jolson Sings Again’, Larry Parks (miming to Al Jolson) pretending to be Jolson recording the soundtrack to ‘The Jolson Story’ for the actor that we know was Larry Parks to mime along to.
Mike XXX

In & Out

Special ‘What You Used To Get From The Milkman’ Edition

In
• Gold Top
• Silver Top
• Red Top
• Sterilised
• Eggs

Out
• Orange Juice
• Yoghurt
• Cottage Cheese
• Chirpiness bordering on insolence
• Casual adultery