Richard Hearn finds a star on a fossil-hunt

We went to the Jurassic coast, but no, we didn’t find any fossils. (Let’s dissipate any narrative tension straightaway.) Still, there was much to enjoy on our recent holiday, including a guest celebrity.

I last went there to Lyme Regis 23 years ago; it was one of two aimed-for places on a hitchhiking tour round the country with a mate, the other destination being the Isle of Arran. (And yes, we did make it there too). I had just read The French Lieutenant’s Woman, and there’s a famous scene set on the Cobb.

“to be honest, he’s contented enough in a gravel driveway”

Looking for fossils involved staring at your feet while walking along the beach and picking up random pebbles. As this is already a hobby of Youngest™ – to be honest, he’s contented enough in a gravel driveway – and The Boy is really into dinosaurs, this wasn’t a hard sell. I so wanted to find an ammonite.

But no. The gift shop, with ammonites at £2.50, made me think we would surely find one. As well as Lyme, we combed the beach at Charmouth and Lulworth Cove. Still no.

In other news, we didn’t take Inception to our cottage (a recent holiday tradition), we took The Trip, with Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon. We’d already seen it, but fantastic to watch again. Three evenings, two episodes a night, done. (I know how boring that makes me sound, but I didn’t do the maths in advance.) Then, the next day’s lunchtime, we went into a cafe and there -–wait for it, drumroll please – was Rob Brydon.

I wish I’d spoken to him. (I’ve dissipated that tension again, haven’t I? Sorry). But he was with his family, about to leave, and we were trying to shoehorn our way in to a table, while I wanted to ensure I didn’t choose the wrong pie. I wanted to say I love his work. I wanted to quote that bit about “we rise at – what time’s the battle, about 12… 2 to 3 hours to get there… we rise at 7 – 730 ish.” Later I remembered how much I loved Director’s Commentary. “He was technically a dwarf” etc)

I felt too nervous. Instead I took my time over ordering the correct pie. If I’d gone up and expressed how me and the wife had watched two episodes a night for three nights, and expressed this in a cramped cafe, I would have appeared like a stalker. Goddammit, even I would have called the police.

To tidily wrap this column up, we didn’t find a fossil except for the one in the shop. However, we did find a real Rob Brydon in a cafe. Funnier and more unique than an ammonite. He can put that quote on his posters.

Illustration: Paul Lewis www.pointlessrhino.com