Malone ponders a case of Hong Kong phooey

“He’s really abandoned you now,” commented my mother discussing my daughter’s father. My child saw him at Christmas (after four months of absence) but he has not made any plans as to when he will next visit.

At first he promised to return from Hong Kong every 10 weeks, citing that it was only 10 hours away and “would be no worse than if he worked in Scotland” (I tried to point out jet lag and expensive flights…). This was his big opportunity.

A grand civil engineering job. Working on a big sewer…
I wondered if I would resent him for leaving his responsibilities behind. After all, in him following his career it makes it much more difficult for me to follow mine. I now have to find childcare just to have my bikini waxed. And I’m having to turn down DJ work as I can’t physically cope with deejaying two nights every weekend, (being a lone mother who is woken at 7am whether I’ve gone to bed at 2am or not).

That part is tricky, but I wonder if actually life is strangely simpler without him around. There’s no weekend collection issues; receiving my daughter back grumpy from the four-hour journey to her father’s home. I wonder if perhaps the consistency of one home life is perhaps better for her.

“Him following his career makes it much more difficult for me to follow mine”

Of course she misses her dad and ideally she would see him more and I would get breaks so that I could give more, (feeling refreshed from the 24/7 of lone parenting). But perhaps like this she is getting a more secure consistent home life. I can only hope so.

Her little friend said to me the other day: “Does she have a daddy?” and before I could even answer, my little girl piped up: “Yes!”. Then the girl said: “Does she ever see him?”. Without looking up from her colouring my brave angel said: “Sometimes.” I felt for her.

I was brought up by two parents in a nuclear family and 99 per cent of my child’s friends are all in nuclear families. The other day, the four year old said, “Mummy, you don’t have to be married to have a baby”.

Where did she hear that?! I replied, “Well no, you don’t, but it’s better though. Then children don’t miss their daddies, you know like you do”. My little girl shouted: “It’s not better!”. Then she stormed off down the road while I struggled to catch up with her carrying the weekly shop.

I guess I should be glad that for her, that it’s “not better” And that she likes hanging ot with me 24/7. Even when I’m knackered on four hours’ sleep pursuing my own career…