Malone steps back in time

I finally made it to Arundel. The land of dreams! Well, mainly the land of castles, lidos and cream teas. We went for the castle but discovered 1957. It was like going happily back in time. There was a butchers, a bakers (and no candlestick makers) but loads of cake shops and most importantly a shop that sells teapots made in the shape of toilet cisterns.

There was a pub closed till 5pm, a pub that didn’t take card payments, and a pub that only sells ready salted crisps… 1957 was awesome. It’s nice to think there are still places that aren’t open 24 hours, have their own butchers and the most addictive thing sold on its street corners is cream cakes.

“I was knackered after the first mount. I don’t know how those 11th century types did it”

The castle is huge. Of course a castle is huge! What was I thinking…? It took hours to view, up steep hills and up thin staircases (that I’m sure some of the tourists could not fit up). I was knackered after the first mount from the ticket office to the castle gate. I don’t know how those 11th century types did it. I was tired just holding my five year old’s hand up a hill, never mind racing up pinging arrows at knights in turrets.

I felt sick at one point and had to leave the five year old and my boyfriend to find a seat. They went up the Castle Keep to the flag and later found me sitting in a room of buffalo heads. Me on a bench with a line of elderly people. The elderly people looked at me like I hadn’t earned the seat. I almost pointed at my hair: “It’s the humidity! Look, my frizzy hair is weighing me down!”

I saw a young lad having to sit down after feeling dizzy; these castles weren’t meant for the heat I guess. They are incredibly stuffy. All the air is encouraged to be kept in, perhaps. I tried to imagine being there in the 12th century with no 13.5 tog duvet, (I am the kind of woman who wears thermal long johns in bed in the summer – I actually did this week). My boyfriend now understands that I really do ‘feel the cold’. Well, this particular day I was really feeling the heat!

Most of the seats had rope over them (so you wouldn’t sit in the old chairs), so anything not roped off I sat on it. The five year old loved the day trip. It was a surprise! When she asked where we were going on the train, we jokingly told her we going to visit a sewer. Well, that backfired as she didn’t think this weird, after all, five year olds talk about poo constantly! So I’m not sure if going to see a castle rather than a sewer was better or worse. But number one summer day trip: done. Good parent points: 10. Next trip: sewer? Not on a hot day though…

Illustration: Jake McDonald www.shakeyillustrations.blogspot.com