Malone isn’t convinced life begins at 40

Apparently I’m turning 40 in four months. My mother must have got the date wrong, after all she was a hippie. I can’t be 40! Yesterday, a little five-year-old girl we’ve known for years, referred to me as “a sort of teenage mum who’s nice to children.” The best compliment ever! Mainly that she considers me kind. But teenage? Amazing.

For me, the end of the world really is coming December 2012. There can’t be life after 40 right? I imagine the clock will strike and I will just sit down, slumped, never to stand again. Sure, age is just a number, but I don’t remember anyone ever saying “that 40-year-old is pretty.” I’ve become the kind of idiot I usually condemn who now shallowly wants to be pretty. I realise I will find ageing hard if I value being ‘pretty’. But I didn’t value looks when I was young, I was a tomboy til I was about 25. I rejected make up and skirts til I was in my 30s. I enjoyed the strength baggy clothes and trainers gave me. I liked knowing I could always run anywhere.

“‘A sort of teenage mum who’s nice to children.’ The best compliment ever!”

Perhaps this came from being bullied at school, every day I didn’t know if I was going to have to fight the boys. (The girls left me alone but the boys picked on me daily.) I guess that’s why I never wore clothes that attracted any boy attention! Every single day of my life I wore trainers I could run fast in. Every single day, all day long, I was bullied and threatened. When I finally left, after three years of it, my teacher said, “I don’t know how she put up with it for so long.” So she had noticed the bullying, but had said nothing! Quite a different tack from today’s anti-bullying strategies. Sometimes they did what they threatened and I had to fight to protect myself; they were big lads (one of them was 6ft at 12 years old!). Clothes were important, I always wore trousers in case I needed to kick. Isn’t that terrible for an 11-year-old girl?

I worry about my child having to deal with baddies, but I guess all you can do is give children the self-worth to deal with people in a strong, smart way. And good trainers. So for me, wearing mini skirts and lipstick is still fun, I’m still exploring what it is to be a woman and what ‘attractiveness’ is. I don’t want to stop being a sexy female because I’ve turned a certain age. Do I absolutely have to? How about I promise just to never wear denim hot pants? At least I’ve come up with the title for my book: ‘How To Age Gracefully’.

Illustration: Jake McDonald www.shakeyillustrations.blogspot.com