Vanessa Austin Locke: Car sharing with a difference
Last week a gentleman friend of mine bought me a car. What kind of car? I can’t remember off the top of my head, but it matched my underwear. You may think this an exceedingly extravagant gift for an ordinary Saturday, but of course, no man gives a gift without expecting something in return. In this instance lifts to and from the pub.
There’s just one problem… I can’t drive. And thus the best-laid plans of mighty men are foiled. I’ve never needed to drive until recently and I’ve even blagged a supercar column for a men’s mag without a licence. This generally consisted of me sitting in the passenger seat of some of the fastest and most expensive cars on the market, awarding points for seduction value, good vibrations, jealous glances, his handling of the beast etc.
“I spent the next two hours sitting on Dyke Road in the passenger seat once again”
After posing on my new machine for photos and listening to Driving Anthems: The Ultimate Driving Album while being driven around, it occurred to me that it might be fun to have a go at this driving lark myself. So I booked a lesson and was duly picked up and driven to a quiet part of Hove to begin my driving career. As the instructor drove us both along however, it began to snow. Within minutes we were in a white-out watching tail lights twinkle, and I spent the next two hours sitting on Dyke Road in the passenger seat once again, learning about what kind of people drive what kind of car. (I was delighted to discover that, according to my learned instructor, BMW drivers such as my generous gentleman friend, are twits. Incidentally that’s not the exact word he used).
The twit – I mean, generous gentleman friend – on enquiring after my first lesson, decided to take matters into his own hands, and this is where the real fun began. Being North Laine residents I had already witnessed the rage and despair that parking restriction had caused him. Indeed I think the parking fines he’s incurred while awaiting a parking permit may be supporting several council jobs. But he’s a generous man and happy to create job opportunities.
So, due to the extensive waiting list for a permit, my car is parked over on the other side of town where parking is still free (don’t worry, I won’t say where). In order for us to get out of town to practise my handbrake turns this is what must happen:
1: He picks me up in car A
2: We sit in central Brighton’s astounding one-way system for 20-40 minutes burning fossil fuels, money and joy
3: Park car A and drive car B to driving lesson location
4: Practise handbrake turns
5: Drive car B back to car A
6: Park car A and get into car B
7: Repeat step 2
8: He drops me off and drives back to park car A
My first world pain aside, we could really use some Green Party influence in these parts, don’t you think?
Vanessa comes across as some larger than life feminist fighting for the rights for every female in Brighton. That is if you’re a middle-upper class female presumably living off of men. I know that sounds cynical but please bear with me…
Her recent article depicting a host of scantily clad ladies with nipple tassles getting up in arms about the removal of some art was covertly pushed as fighting the cause of the modern female being belittled for exposing their bodies that don’t fit the conventional norm. I thought the art was terrible and the neighbours most likely wouldn’t want to have their children walk by that every day. But I digress.
Now this column is hardly pushing the female gender forwards, is it? I wonder how many women like myself read this and thought back to the last time a gentlemen friend bought them a car, let alone one that matched our lacy smalls hidden underneath. I doubt any female in Brighton can relate. She epitomises everything that is bad about the feminist movement. On one hand belittling men who date online, as documented in her column to date, yet admittedly using them for money and gifts. This is not feminism ladies, and if it is then it will set us back 50 years.
Me personally, as a 21st Century woman, I am all for equal rights. Gender equality, sexual equality… but let’s look at some other examples:
“When did men start expecting us to, not only go Dutch on the first date, but actually pick up the entire bill?”
“I’ve handled sexual harassment ever since I hit puberty, I think most women do. I haven’t made any accusations and when it’s suited me I’ve used it to get ahead. But when I haven’t wanted to I’ve been empowered to take a man’s hand off my thigh without it damaging my career. That’s politics right?”
No dear, I hate to break it to you, it’s not politics, it’s definitely not feminism and it’s downright offensive to males and females alike.
Kind regards, Karin (via email)
I consider myself to be pretty strident and I really enjoy Vanessa`s articles; although I don’t agree with everything she says, I always enjoy the way she pokes fun at stereotypes and plays on a theme of `normality` before flipping it on its head. As someone who’s read most of these articles I feel like you’re quotes are a little out of context and miss the (I assumed) obvious humour.
While I’m on a roll, women bitching at each other is just another reinforcement of all the unhelpful patriarchal rubbish we have to unpick from our brains. In any movement, people do things differently, and that’s totally valid. You don’t have to keep up with everyone, you just have to keep being curious about what’s happening inside your head and out in the world.
We’ve got enough to contend with with all feminists being labelled as bra-burning, man-hating nutters by a solid chunk of the media (which is a bit like saying all men are rapists or all Christians bomb family planning clinics – clearly nonsense) and instead freeing ourselves from the harmful stereotypes that tell us what we be or do defined only by what lies between our legs, we’re on at one another about who’s the better feminist.
So what if this person’s brand of feminism doesn’t fit with yours or even offends you? For goodness sake go after the actual baddies.
N.b. “patriarchy” does not equal “all men”. Just so we’re clear! x
I respect the comments made by Karin, but can’t say I personally agree with them, and that’s OK.
Whilst we do live in a world where equality should be the only super power, the reality is, it’s not. Yes, in an ideal world there would be no gender/race/sexuality divides, and try as we might, it will be a fight that last’s as long as the Earth keeps spinning. It’s what makes us Human.
This is not a “glass half empty” statement, but just how I see things.
Reading Vanessa’s story made me laugh and feel confident in knowing that there are women out there who are trying to make a difference, but with style. Yes, you can be a strong, independent woman who takes no bull, but what’s wrong with shaking what your “momma” gave you if it means getting what you need to make a stamp in this world.
There are so many jobs out there, whether you like it or not, that are suited to particular people, and more often or not, this results in a high influx of one gender.
I don’t think Vanessa is feminisit or anti-feminist, just a classy lady who is honest about what she wants, what she gets and won’t be told otherwise.
The saddest part about feminism is that it’s deemed OK for woment to attack other women, just because they don’t share the same views. Whether you like wearing mini-skirts that flaunt your rump, or prefer to wear baggy jeans and trainers, all that matters is that you are happy, strong and getting what you want from life.
Good Lord, so much bile – almost as long as the original column.
“Me personally, as a 21st Century woman, I am all for equal rights.”
Considered in view of the ratio of grammatical torture to banal vacuity this has to be my sentence of the month. It reads like something one might give a child as a comprehension exercise.