Julie Hayward Worries about Worrying

I am trying to be mindful, to stay in the present, to let the past go and to stop worrying about the future.  Unfortunately, it’s not proving an easy task as I’m a life long worrier.  It’s what I do, it’s what I’m good at – if there’s anything to worry about I will worry about it and if there isn’t I will find something, and if I can’t find something I will worry that I have nothing to worry about. If there was an exam in worrying, I would get  top marks.  I have a love-hate relationship with worry, what would I do without it, there would be a huge gap left with nothing to worry about.  I have tried to shake off my stress and anxiety by doing a cognitive behavioural therapy course, which helped for a short time, but once the course finished, worry crept back.

I was really worried about Neil, I thought he’d been killed off, but  thankfully he was only injured  and has lived to tell the tale, but for the AA gang, (Archer’s Addicts) it was a real cliff hanger, if Neil had been permanently removed from the Archer’s who would have feed the pigs?  Brenda’s moved out, leaving Tom bereft and with the realisation that there’s more to life than ready meals and now it’s too late.  Darrel hasn’t got two brain cells to rub together, despite having the love of a good woman, (unlike Tom),  he seems to be drawn to trouble.  Didn’t we know it would all end in tears getting involved in a money making scheme with his ex cell mate, helping to organise dog fights.  I know Darrel’s out of work and needs to bring home the bacon, but he’s had to learn the hard way, that crime doesn’t pay in the Archer’s.

Paul’s turned out to be a slippery character, pestering his ex wife, not to marry his ex best friend.  He tells Lilian to go and have a bath, whilst he cooks them a meal, and suggests she take the radio with her ‘to help her relax’,  I thought it was usually candles?’  Er no, it’s not Lilian’s relaxation that Paul is concerned about, but he wants the radio to drown out his crafty call to his ex wife, whilst Lilian grapples with the soap amd ‘relaxes’ with John Humphries.

My second home is coffee shops,  I have to admit I usually go to Nero, Costa and Starbuck’s.  I do want to support the independent cafes and there is an abundance of good ones in the North Laine, an amazing choice including Cafe Deluce in Kensington Garden’s. but I don’t like to linger for long in the smaller places unless I purchase endless coffees and, which would have me climbing the walls due to the caffeine.  Whereas in Starbuck’s I can purchase a cuppa, some toasted fruit bread, butter and jam for £3.75 and that’s me for a few hours.  I take my paperwork, laptop, books, uni work and anything else that requires my attention and I take root.   I find the buzz of people coming and going stirs my creaking brain into action, and living alone as I do, there’s something comforting in having the company of others around me without the need to directly interact with anyone.  Bathed in the sounds of human interaction, the sun shining in the windows, if I’m lucky, and the smell of coffee brewing, I could almost, for a short time, forget to worry.