Andrew Bullock follows the MIC socialites to the Big Apple
MIC-NYC 1
The Chelsea massive are in NYC. Why? Who knows! Who cares? Everyone’s walking around in strategically placed tourist spots, saying things like “lets make sure we see all the sights” and “I love eating pancakes with bacon”.
Billie is a friend of Mark Francis, and she looks like Steffi Graf. She attends the brunch that the Chelseas are having, and goes up to Lucy. These two are either going to love or despise each other. Door Number One! Billie likes Lucy’s jacket, so Lucy, in turn, likes Billie. Lucy is thrilled that a female is talking to her, because all the others currently hate her.
Binky’s at Grand Central and is greeted by her sister, Anna Louise. What’s this? Alex isn’t with Binky? Apparently it’s over! I would have thought Binky would’ve phoned ahead and let her sister know he wasn’t coming. Now she’ll have to put that extra set of towels back in the airing cupboard.
The girls are now at yoga, and Rosie is sexualised for the first time since Season 1. She is all a-fluster because the yoga teacher “was holding his hips against my crotch”. If you think about someone putting their hips against someone’s crotch, it’s really not that erotic, as surely they’d have to be standing sideways.
The boys, meanwhile, are playing baseball. Of course they are. What next, a recitation of the fifth amendment? Alik is introduced; he knows Proudlock from the fashion industry. Remember, Proudlock designs awful clothing. Apparently Alik is “doing some denim” for him. Whatever, Proudlock. Alik observes that the guys must be naturally good at baseball because of England’s cricketing heritage. That’s like saying Germans are naturally good at mass genocide, because Hitler was into it.
Rosie is looking a lot like Geri Halliwell looked in 1998.
“Can I buy you a drink at some point, or maybe a meal of food?”
At Bryant Park, Rosie starts bitching about how Lucy has a heart of ice, to which Wheeze says, “I’m done with people that are neggy”. I think that’s her trying to shorten the word “negative”. It does not work, Louise. I’m using your actual name now, rather than “Wheeze”, because this is serious. You need to learn.
Everyone then heads over to Proudlock’s “crib”. Binky and Cheska make friends by bonding over their mutual opinion that Alex has dreadful hair. Jamie calls Alex, insisting he come over and join in the holiday, which of course is a really good idea.
Spenny hits on Billie and uses the classic British chat-up line, “can I buy you a drink at some point, or maybe a meal of food?”
Next week’s predictions: The only thing that matters is that Alex arrives and appears to have done something to make Jamie cry! I think he has A) had another orgy and not invited Jamie, B) accidentally run over Jamie’s grandmother, or C) forgotten to water Jamie’s plants while he’s been in New York.
Andrew’s blog can be read at drewjbullock.wordpress.com
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