I.O.U.

I’m not very good accepting things. Of course, I love a present. Who doesn’t? Stop being a killjoy! No, what I mean is that if someone does something nice for me, or gives me a thing, I immediately want to give them something back. I find it very difficult to just say “thank you” and beam with joy and acceptance. I mean, I will beam but I won’t just leave it there.

This was brought to my attention recently when I was asked why I baked so many things to give away. I always feel like my friends and family are so generous and just downright good with their time and thoughts (although obviously just normal human-type people and not actual saints) that I want them to feel the same kind of attention is lavished upon them sometimes. Plus, if someone’s in a bit of a grump, a nice deed can snap them right out of it, making my own immediate environment ever so much nicer. So it’s selfish too, see?

But why can’t I accept a random act of kindness? Why do I have to battle it into some kind of twisted equality, just so that I won’t ‘owe’ a goodness to be cashed in at a time when I don’t feel like being good? I think I’ve answered by own question.