Monday, April 6

The Landlady – Working from Home

- February 15, 2020

the landlady

I am going for a scan at the hospital today and have been told that it can help if someone holds your foot while you’re in the process. The Big Daughter will be enjoying the undisputed honour of this trial. To make it slightly less unpleasant for her, I have painted my nails a lovely shade of pink and depilated my ‘toe-‘fros’, which is more effort than I usually make if I’m going on a beach holiday.

A chance would be a fine thing and for now my many beach holidays area thing of the past. Ironically, although I left the country specifically to avoid the two previous aborted Brexit efforts, I shall be stuck here when we finally leave tomorrow at the stroke of midnight. I have now been grounded at home in Landlady Towers for 6 weeks, which is my longest stretch in the UK in 10 years.

I have now been grounded at home in Landlady Towers for 6 weeks, which is my longest stretch in the UK in 10 years

I’m not complaining as Landlady Towers is a beautiful place and actually my favourite place on earth, even though my life is continually blighted by the comings and goings of my 4 lodgers. In my new home-staying routine, I have to be nimble and alert to avoid meeting any of them, not only for me, but for them to feel like they occasionally have the house to themselves.

My routine for yesterday, for example, went something like this:

7.24am Lodger number 1 leaves for work.

7.30am I make breakfast for The Small Daughter. Timing is on a knife edge in order to avoid startling Lodger 1 (creepy) and Lodger 3 as she makes her way semi-clad to the bathroom.

7.55am Lodger 2 and Boyfriend thunder down the stairs and slam the door, which probably wakes Lodgers 3 and 4.

8.24am I go for a run. Timing is specifically arranged to avoid meeting lodger 3 when she leaves for work at 8.50am

10.30am Breakfast and ‘Popmaster’. Make some bread.

12.15pm Have to take bread out of the oven early to avoid Lodger 3 in the kitchen as she comes home for lunch. Bugger!

2.30pm As Lodger 4 goes into the kitchen to make some instant noodles, grab the 5 minute window to go through his ACTUAL window in order to clear the seagull shit from the gutter. Manage to get in and out and hide in my bedroom with said bag of excrement before he returns to his room.

There’s something to be said for full-time employment…


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