Malone wonders if she loves her child too much

Everyone is talking about having babies, ‘40-something: last chance saloon babies’. With the clock ticking getting louder, me and my mum contemporaries are wondering if we want to do it all again. I don’t know if I want another baby, my jury is out. I really like the one I have. She’s amazing, I’m still besotted with her. Obviously people don’t have more babies because they go off the ones they have, but, hey, imagine if they did! Every time the toddler refused to get in the buggy: “Right, that’s it! I’m having another one! This one is rubbish. Won’t listen to a thing I say!” You’d end up with a lot of babies…

“I don’t know if I want another baby. I really like the one I have – I’m besotted with her”

I just love my six year old so much, I can’t imagine having another child sharing the love. It could be a good thing though, perhaps less intense for my daughter as she’d be less spoiled with affection and Jammie Dodgers! Sometimes I actually worry that showing her so much love could result in her finding it difficult to find lasting love as a grown woman. Perhaps she’ll only become attracted to passionate, intense people, or ones who, in romantic relationships, can only sustain that concentrated, all-consuming love, for a short amount of time, therefore resulting in short relationships enjoying only initial highs. This is the kind of thing I worry about. I know! Ridiculous. I worry she will then find relationships dissatisfying as they never fulfill her like her mother’s unrelenting loving attention. Can you love your child too much? I’m no pushover, I’m certainly strict. I just shower her with love all the time. That’s okay, isn’t it? I can just imagine when she is older, blaming me for her life.

I can’t believe I’m worrying about loving my offspring too much, perhaps I do need to have another child! Maybe it would distribute the mum-worry more evenly. I’m from a family where I was the only-child, so it seems normal to me just have the one, but maybe others are right, maybe more is merrier. I guess I just feel like I’m getting my life back now she’s bigger. I can work, I can see friends, I can sleep ‘til 7am, I can have a shower without having to beatbox raspberry noises to a baby in a bouncer in the bathroom doorway. With one child you can send them off on sleepovers and have lie-ins! I doubt it’s possible to get two children off on on two sleepovers? More than one child seems to represent a decade of sleep deprivation. Followed by a decade of “I hate you” and “Can I have a lift/tenner?”.But then hopefully followed by decades of loving connection… well, the odd Mother’s Day card… Hmm. The jury’s still out.

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