Makes room for a fake dad

As a mother, I’ve had a few boyfriends, but I guess I’ve never had one so involved as my new boyfriend. I say ‘new’ but it’s been seven months. I didn’t realise how difficult the integration of a boyfriend person into single mother with small child’s life would be. I didn’t realise how independent I had become in five years. It’s strange because I have always wanted a partner to parent with me, I never wanted to do it on my own. I firmly believe a child should have two parents around them. So they can watch how a relationship works.

“I firmly believe a child should have two parents around them”

I’ve always wanted to have a relationship with a man, not just for myself but also to give my child a sense of family. Little did I realise how tricky it might become. Perhaps when she was younger it might have been easier, but at five years old it’s harder than I thought. My daughter has grown accustomed to me being completely hers, to being her epicentre. She says things like “my mummy! Not your mummy!” to my boyfriend. I want to laugh, I’m sure my boyfriend does not need another mummy.

My boyfriend would like to be some sort of parental figure though. Not a step dad… They’re always negatively depicted… So when my daughter said “will you be my fake dad?” he was actually extremely pleased. After all, he’s been there: getting up at night, reassuring her there’s no monsters in her room; bringing her tons of Disney films, and making her ham sandwiches when he’s a strict vegetarian. He gets up with her a few times a week, makes her breakfast and gets her dressed and teeth brushed and out the door for school more efficiently than I do. She seems to respect him but isn’t super affectionate or loving towards him.

She seems to resent my partner’s attempts at helping her with reading etc. I tell him she does that with me too. Does she subconsciously wonder if he will leave like all the other men have? It will just take time. After all, it’s taken me five years to get the odd hug from her! I have felt very in the middle between the two people I love.

He has really needed ‘managerial feedback’ from my daughter, but kids aren’t like that. They don’t say “thanks for bringing me up!” Nor should they. It’s not their fault they’re here! So when “will you be my fake dad?” was uttered by my daughter, my boyfriend found that a huge compliment. He must be doing alright! My daughter said it with sweet naivety, there was no joke meant, she just literally thought, will you be my other dad-type-man-person? My fake dad. No insult intended. None was taken. In fact he loves being fake dad. I do too. With his presence, he turns this mother and child into a family.